September 29th

(Vivian painting a rainbow for Jonah's Mommy & Daddy)

I can't believe tomorrow it will be a year from the day we lost sweet Jonah. The feelings are still very raw and it amazes me how quickly the tears can still come. I am overwhelmed when I reflect upon the intensity of the events from that day. I couldn't bring myself to can spaghetti sauce this year. I struggle with leaving my children. I even wrestle with the idea of letting Vivian cry when I put her down to bed, part of me just wants to hold her (like all night long). I am able to function just fine. I can leave my children and feel at peace when I am away and much to Marc's agreement, I am able to suppress the idea of co-sleeping with my 16 month old. Nevertheless, I am reminded that I have experienced something very tragic.

As I have reflected upon this experience and where I have come in this last year, I have enjoyed the opportunities to ponder on how I have grown. My testimony of eternal families has been solidified. I know that Jonah still lives. I know we will see him again. I know that he is and will always be Julie and Jordans' son.

I have gained a new perspective on trials. I believe I used to always try to find the silver lining when trials came. I would look for why they happened and how I really was better off in the end because of the challenge I was presented with. I think differently now.

I have gained a knowledge and supreme peace that trials come as opportunities for us to become closer to and more like God. I do not have to find out how things are better because Jonah died. I don't have to know this, because things are not better without him. It's an awful terrible thing that is very very sad. And it's okay to acknowledge that something tragic occurred.

But what I want my children and all those I care about to know is this: because I was a part of something very difficult, I have been blessed to more clearly see God and acknowledge the beauty of charity that is all around me and I am so very thankful. I am thankful to see others with more patience and love because we never know the burdens they may be carrying. I am thankful for the increased moments of pure joy I have spent watching my children dance and play because I understand just how precious life really is. I have lived and cherished the details of my time with those I love. And most importantly, I have come to know how blessed I am to be a daughter of God. For this, I cannot express enough gratitude.

Another perk . . .

To Daddy working so close is going to visit him for lunch. The kids get giddy as soon as they see him.

Rise and Shout

We are trying really hard to teach our children about how to bleed blue in our house. However, the day we played The U, Lucy insisted on wearing her RED ruby slippers with her BYU attire. I am a little anxious about what this means.

A Memory

My sister and I shared a room until her senior year of high school. I really treasure the time we had to bond through this experience. We often stayed up way too late talking and giggling and I'm pretty sure I learned most of what I needed to know about the birds and the bees through those late night chats as well.

At any rate, for a long time we had a trundle bed (you know, the twin bed with the other twin bed that pulls our from underneath). Our trundle bed had this feature where it could be popped up (clicked into place) and be even in height to the other bed. The key to that previous sentence was "clicked into place."  If you did not click the bed into place, the bed would come tumbling down leading to a great degree of shock and laughter often all at once (but not always by the same people).

Whether it was because I was the younger sister or the sister that would actually make the trundle bed and put it back under the other bed so it would be out of the way, I was the one who slept on the bed that was pulled out and clicked into place.

Often my sister would do one of two things. Either I would come in and see that my bed was already out and ready for me and I would be so grateful she did this for me (I fell for it every time) OR she would ask me to go get her a drink or a snack once we were already in bed (and for some reason I almost always obliged). My sister would take these opportunities to un-click my bed while still leaving it balancing perfectly upright. Without fail, I would hop into bed and the bed would collapse sending my heart racing and my sister into hysterics.

One time I can remember coming into bed carefully balancing crackers and cheese (a requested snack) in my hands and the moment I cautiously put my knee on the bed, I fell and everything in my hands flew all over the bed. I believe I was mad at the time. Now, I just look back and laugh . . . .

David's turn for preschool

Our Handsome Jack started preschool today! He was so excited. He has had his backpack for about a month now (he selected a BYU backpack I might add) and he has been talking about going to preschool ever since. Every time we would take Lucy to her preschool, he would think he should get to go too. So today was a magical day at our house.

He selected his car shirt to wear and thought it was awesome that he had paints and scissors of his very own. Lucy was so excited for him. When we got there his little buddy opened the door and said, "We've got a snack." And that was enough for David, he went right in!  He is in a neighborhood co-op with four other little boys (no girls). Should make for an adventure! I must say I got a bit emotional setting out his clothes last night. I just kept looking at him and he all of a sudden looked to be so much older. I love this little boy so much. He truly holds my heart.

Staycation 2012

Our staycation this year was very loosely planned and it end up being a blast! We had planned to stay at hotel nearby, but before we booked anything Lucy mentioned that she wanted to sleep in our backyard-so we did! We started off the morning by walking to The Provo Bakery. I even indulged and got an old fashioned donut-Yum. Then we headed to The Springville Library for story hour. I loved watching David raise his hand and participate. He is getting so big. Then Marc and the kids drove me to meet up with a friend so we could eat lunch with Condoleeza Rice, Mia Love, Senator Hatch, Governor Herbert . . . . (it was so inspiring). The biggest take home message for me was the importance of FREEDOM. "Under freedom people reach their highest potential." -Condoleeza Rice. When Marc came to get me, Vivian and David were asleep in the car and Lucy was fading fast. We decided to let them sleep and took a drive through the canyon. I love to see the leaves this time of year. I treasured talking to Marc as the kids slept. Before we knew it, we were in Heber so we checked out the Heber Creeper. David LOVED that we were at a train station! Then we dined at The Dairy Keen-such delicious shakes. We wandered back to Provo and Marc decided to buy a fire pit while I entertained the kids at The Dollar Store. We came home, set up the tent and fire pit, invited Uncle Ryan and Aunt Jayna to join us with Eliza & Norah and the night was nothing short of magical . . . (Notice how David is learning well how to be a good Steed Man above.)

The cousins dining on hot dogs and s'mores while they enjoy the fire and glow and the dark bracelets.

Roasting marshmallows with my love. I love being a parent and getting to plan all these cool things to do with my spouse.

The kids ate so much chocoalte, marshmallows and hot dogs. It was great. And isn't Norah darling!

We always love an evening spent with these two. And the kids love to play with their cousins. The kids thought the tent was the coolest thing ever.

Such a blessed little family. By this point Vivian was already inside the house fast asleep. The long day had just worn her out. Lucy & David were full of giggles and energy though.

Marc slept in the tent with Lucy & David while I "sacrificed" and slept inside with Vivian. He told them lots of stories-he is such a great Dad.

Vivian was ready to party in the morning.

Then we had pancake muffins for breakfast, went on a walk and then headed to Heidi's to swim. Now Marc is golfing while the little ones nap. We will go on a date when he returns while the kids play with a sitter. The greatest thing I have on this earth is the TIME I have to be with my sweet family.

My little social butterfly . . .

Lucy told me the following story after preschool the other day and it made me smile: "Mom, a lot of the kids at preschool want to sit by me so Miss Midge told them, 'You can't always sit by Lucy. You will have to take turns."'