The most stressful part of when Lucy was a baby was that she was so tiny. We were constantly taking her in to be weighed, the pediatrician would give me all kinds new things to try with nursing, and it seemed no matter how hard we would work at it, that little munchkin just loved hanging out around the 8th percentile of weight for other babies her age.
I remember being at a friend's house and telling her Mother-in-law about my woes. I explained the percentiles, the growth charts, how long she would nurse, etc. This sweet Grandmother from Germany looked right at me and said, "You know, when I raised babies we just took them home and loved them. That's all that was asked of us. Nowadays you all know too much and you're too caught up in numbers. You would do better if you just relaxed." I remember thinking, she just doesn't understand. It is such a blessing to know all of this. "They" really know and it's my job to stress over these things.
I see this trend with other Mothers my age. We have really been set up in an environment of numbers and research. We have been taught to look for what may be "wrong" with our children from Autism to ADD. We are panicked at times all in the name of what may be "normal" for our children to be. I see this frequently when friends and family ask me for my opinion if I think their child may have some type of disorder.
I have thought about this a lot lately. Sure I am a HUGE believer in early intervention and I completely value the need to not be in denial as a parent when it comes to the needs of our children. But do you ever think that sometimes we know too much? That at times we are really good at over-reacting? Do you ever think that maybe that cute thing your child does when he flaps his arms may just be a fun little thing he does that you can recall with laughter later? That maybe when your child does only 1 of about 20 things required to diagnose them as having Autism, that maybe you could just embrace it and not stress over it.
I feel like there are some very precious moments and "quirks" about my children that have been robbed from me by these so-called experts who have me so anxious about what they may really mean or if something might be "wrong" with my child.
How naive I was when I first heard the advice of the sweet German Grandmother. I have been trying lately to embrace her advice. To love and enjoy my children and stop stressing over every little thing. I will not allow another expert take away my love and joy for my children. I want to embrace their silly idiosyncrasies and awkward tantrums. I just want to love them for the 2 year-old and 3 1/2 year-old that they are. I don't want to compare them to a bunch of norms and percentiles from so-called experts. Yes, I will still value the advice of doctors and experts, but I will also value the motherly instincts I have been blessed with. And I will hold as my highest priority as a Mother that I just need to take my babies home and love them.
Wednesday, April 13, 2011
Sometimes we know too much . . .
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9 comments:
That is GREAT advice! I felt that way with my oldest and still feel that way. Since he is my first to go through everything I am always worried about "normal" and if things are a phase or something to be concerned about. My youngest has it so much easier. She hasn't walked yet (2 months later than her siblings) and I am not worried at all. She'll catch up. Poor oldest kids.
Oh Katie, I can't tell you how much I thought about this during my last pregnancy. My ultrasounds kept finding red flags, things that *might* possibly indicate kidney issues, downs syndrome, digestive problems, etc. etc. I vacillated between very grateful for and very annoyed with ultrasound technology. In the end, my baby was born 100% healthy. All that worry for nothing...but on the bright side, I appreciate his good health more than I otherwise would. Thanks for your wise thoughts! :)
p.s. Sorry, I initially posted that comment under Matt's name!
So true! I was always worried about Tori because she has always been so small and did everything so much later than all of the other kids around her, but with Brooke I am toatally layed back...I think that it will just get better and better as we go along. I too am grateful for the knowledge that I have about disabilities, but I catch myself diagnosing everything sometimes and forgetting that it is ok for kids to be kids. I was once put in line by a wise German grandma too... Tori was being super crazy in church (singing at the top of her lungs and super rambunctious during sacrament, and I was getting embarassed...but the little German grandmother just touched my shoulder and said "Let her be...she is excited about the gospel." How wise...and what a silly thing to be worried about. Thank goodness for people who are older and wiser! (and that we wil one day be them too!)
That's a great post and something I needed to hear. I stress out so much about Maggie's weight and the fact that her temperature is always 99.3 no matter what.
THANK YOU!!! Just recently when I take Zoey to the doctor they keep telling me she is under weight. I panic and worry that I am not feeding her enough that she is being ignored because she is the third and maybe i wasn't paying attention to how much food she was getting. After being hurt, mad and angry I finally realized she is just skinny. Nothing more.
I agree - it's all so true.
And congrats - I don't remember if I knew you were pregnant, but that's great! I'm a week behind you if you're 34 weeks right now. Hooray!
amen! i totally think there is such a thing as information overload-- it made me paranoid at first when i had george! it is an amazing feeling to feel more "settled in" as a mama now and know that i can (and usually should) trust my own instincts and intuition over books and experts.
Love it...
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