Saturday, October 20, 2012

Why I believe marriage should be between a man and a woman

I would like to share something very personal to me. I know this subject is one that can be very emotional and dividing. My intent is in no way to evoke anger, make others feel badly or to say that the way someone else may feel is any way wrong.  I have spent much time with people I care deeply about who feel differently than I do about this. I have always felt that in the end, they walked away knowing that I love and care deeply for them. Knowing also that regardless of their choice, my love and friendship for them will not change. I simply want to take the time to express why I feel so deeply about this topic. I hope that respect and understanding can prevail.

I believe that marriage is ordained by God and should be between a man and a woman. This truth has always made sense to me. It has always penetrated understanding both to my heart and mind.  Yet lately, I have found myself searching my soul to understand WHY I felt so strongly about this. I ache when I see those I love struggle with feeling the same way I do about this and yet they also have same sex attraction. I didn't understand why someone who is righteous and wanting to do what is right may not be able to marry someone they truly love. It made me sad. In fact, I still shed tears for my friends who find themselves in this predicament.

In my process of trying to understand this, I have come to more fully understand a very powerful truth. This truth is at the very heart of what I believe. It is why I have lived and continue to live the way I do. It is truly the pinnacle of why I believe we are on this earth.

When Marc and I were married, we chose to be sealed for time and all eternity. We believe our sealing united us and our posterity for time and all eternity. We believe that through committing ourselves, our marriage and our families to be sealed to one another and to God, we have chosen to follow Him. By so doing, we will not only be led back to Him, but we will also possess the ability to become like Him.

This is where so much has been made clear to me. I have come to understand that a very critical piece of our ability to become like God is found in our ability to unite, commit, sacrifice with and work with a spouse of the opposite sex.

Perhaps this simple story will help illustrate my point to a small degree. When Marc and I were first married we were having a disagreement. I began to tell him about how, "If Julie or Heidi were here, they would just say . . ." and I asked why he couldn't just respond like them. Marc looked at me and in a very respectful way said, "Well that is how a female would respond. Would you like to be married to a woman or a man?" I laughed and saw his point completely.

I have had numerous times I have been humbled in my marriage as I have had to learn how to work things out with the insights of a man and a woman. Some times have been much easier than others. Nevertheless, I would testify that I know my ability to understand God's plan has been increased. The results for my family have been made stronger because of the power that comes when a man and a woman choose to humble themselves, work together and seek to find the ultimate win for their families.

I believe that if two members of the same sex were to be married, they would not have the opportunities to be challenged and to grow as they would in a marriage between a man and a woman. Because of the sacred ordinance of marriage I have committed to with a member of the opposite sex, I believe I have the ability to achieve the highest potential God has in store for me. Knowing how much joy and direction this brings me regarding my family and exaltation, I cannot remain silent and not share what I know with others. 

I am not asking others to believe what I believe. I am simply wanting to share what I believe to be true from the deepest part of my soul.


ls said...


this is something that i have really struggled to understand myself. i am still trying to make sense of my thoughts and beliefs, and i am so grateful that you shared this because it is helping me solidify my own feelings a bit more. there is a part of me that doesn't want to decide what i really believe because it's scary. scary to stand in a space that might not feel compassionate or inclusive to others, when really, compassion and inclusion are two things i feel so deeply. i am grateful for your honest, kind, strong voice. it was important for me to read.

Paul said...

Katie- I remember our long discussions concerning this topic when we were both single. Your dedication to your beliefs then are just as inspiring as they are now.

For me, understanding the determent of gay marriage on society has been a long journey. I had a difficult time understanding how my friend or neighbor participating in a same-sex marriage had any impact on my own marriage and family.

As I watch our nation make critical choices I have come to see exactly how gay marriage is distributive to society as a whole. Even if you put aside the moral issues with homosexuality, you still cannot ignore the biological ramifications homosexuality poses on the family unit. Not only does the genetic make-up come to a complete standstill, but it has been shown many times over the power that comes by having both a mother and a father rearing and guiding their family.

I have no illusions that there are homosexual couples who will do a better job at parenting than some heterosexual couples. There will always be poor parents regardless of their sexual orientation. This does not negate the fact that children were biologically structured to be raised by both genders.

I have the same tender feelings towards those who believe differently than me. My uncle who I grew up with has chosen this lifestyle, and his "life partner" is a great man who my family loves.

I wish both of them the happiness that they want, but at the same time I cannot sacrifice what I consider most sacred to our society -- the family!

aschooff said...

Thank you.

Therman said...

Being a member of your nuclear family brings you joy, yes, but remember there are many families that look differently than yours that have their own beautiful joys and experiences. Wanting others to have the type of family you have may be done with good intentions, but it significantly limits the joy of the human experience.

My extended family consists of single parents, married parents, multiracial cousins, homosexual family members and different religious affiliations. I myself am gay. Do I want to force them all to look the same even though it may be easier? Absolutely not. If you remember, it was actually Lucifer in the pre-mortal existence who desired everyone to make the same choices, all for the sake and benefit of the human family. I give credit for the rich experiences that compile my life to the beautifully diverse people I call my family.

The family will not be on the chopping block, so to speak, when marriage equality becomes a reality. It will actually extend it's arms out more fully, inviting even more love and diversity into its warm embrace...kind of what our Savior does with all of God's children.

I believe in being treated fairly under the law; I believe in compassion for our diverse human family; I believe in The Savior of all mankind; I believe in equality for all people. I stand up for marriage equality.

Michelle said...

thanks for sharing katie! i had never thought about it that way. i laughed about the comment about how your girlfriends would see something one way & understand you better. it is so true! man & woman have such different perspectives on things, but as we come together & unite despite differences, we complete each other. marriage has brought me a sense of wholeness and almost healing that i've never experienced else where or with my girl friends or sisters.