Friday, June 11, 2010

Because it helped me . . .

Our little family experienced a very sad day yesterday and through it all I found a lot of comfort in what I had read through the years on various friends' blogs. So, if you do not appreciate reading too personal of things on blogs, I invite you to stop reading.

6/10/10

Today was a sad day. I was 8 ½ weeks pregnant and began to bleed. My Dr. said bleeding was not uncommon around 9 weeks and we just needed to do an ultrasound to see what was going on. Marc came home from work and we went to the ultra sound. It was a very sad site when all they could pull up was a dark black sac. I knew from having an eight-week ultrasound with David that if a baby was forming, we would have seen it.

The tech explained that what I had was a blighted ovum. It happens in as many as 60% of potential pregnancies. What happens is when the cells divide, the sac and lining are made and the hormones go up, but the baby never forms.

Everything makes sense in my head. I get that there was never even a physical baby in me. I get that I am blessed with two beautiful children. I even know that The Lord showed me multiple tender mercies that prepared me for the fact that I would be having a miscarriage.

I know that before I got pregnant a third time I was scared. I felt that we had been so lucky to have two healthy babies with no real complications. I thought maybe we should just stop while we were ahead. I hadn’t had a miscarriage, our children are healthy, etc, etc. And then I was reminded that I was a woman who had made covenants to sacrifice. And I recommitted to The Lord that I would go through all that was asked of me.

I know I am on The Lord’s side. I know He can call me His. I know He knows I would give my all to the building of His kingdom. I know I feel closer to The Lord because of my experience. I know that I more clearly understand the will and the ways of Heavenly Father because of this experience. I know that I am at peace with what has occurred and that The Lord’s timing is once again being implemented in my life and it will, as it always has been, be what is for the best. I know there is another baby waiting to join our family, and will join us someday soon. I KNOW all of this.

And I also know that my heart is just simply broken. My mind completely gets it but my heart is just aching. I know all will be well, but today I am also very sad.

I also know these words bring me great comfort:

What does the Father ask of us? What do the scriptures say?
Have faith, have hope, live like his Son, help others on their way. --Mabel Jones Gabbott


21 comments:

Claire said...

Thanks for your honest, sad, and uplifting story. I'm sorry to hear that you had to go through it, but I to KNOW that everything we experience is for our good. I had a hard and sad time going through an "infertility" stage and having to cope though lots of sad news. But it is comforting to know that Heavenly Father loves us, knows us better than we know ourselves, and is there through our trials. Thanks again for the post and good luck!

Christine said...

Oh Katie! I know how painful and sad that must have been for you. I too, know that the Lord has a plan for us and I take great comfort in that. If you need to talk, I am here for you.

Rebekah said...

Oh, Katie. My thoughts and prayers are with you . . . .

Ani said...

I am so sorry Katie. I can only imagine how sad that is for you and Marc to go through.
I think it is very heal to share things like this, and I KNOW someome will find comfort in reading this and relating to you.
Hang in there.

Katie said...

Thanks dear friends. Here I wrote this to help others and all of you are helping me so much.

Aimee said...

Katie,

I'm so sorry you're going through this. Having gone through some hard pregnancy times myself, I am in awe of your faith and optimism. You are in inspiration and I know that the Lord will bless you for your faith and sacrifice.

mindy said...

(((hugs))) I am sorry for your sadness and disappointment. Even without a baby growing inside, our hopes and expectations start to grow, so it is understandable to mourn the loss of what you thought was going to be. Hugs and peace to you and Marc.

JMadd said...

It's so hard, Katie. Probably one of the hardest things you and Marc will ever experience. But you will feel God's love for you in miraculous ways at this time. I know I did. You are in my thoughts and prayers. Love you!

Unknown said...

Katie. So many time I sat in your classes being so inspired by your testimony and wonderful spirit. Like the time you share about keeping your baptismal covenants: mourn with those that mourn, comfort those that need comfort.

Today I am mourning for you.

So inspired by you and your closeness to the Spirit.

Sending all my love and prayers.

Kendra said...

Know that this happened for a reason and that you will be blessed beyond what you can imagine for being faithful!
With love from one who really knows your pain!

Anonymous said...

So sorry!! I had one last fall too... :( It does break your heart doesn't it? Your two are just the cutest though and I love that you keep your blog personal & full of them! Best wishes!

Mary Susan said...

Your faith is so strong. You are simply an amazing woman!

Kelly said...

I'm glad you shared. I understand why people do it, but I feel sad for people who wait to tell people they are pregnant in case they miscarry. Because if they actually miscarry and no one knows I think it would be such a huge burden of grief to carry alone. But the great thing is we do not have to carry our burdens alone.

Heidi said...

I just reread your quote on the side about being a mother. It seems especially applicable now. Thanks for always going first so I can learn from you.

girlsmama said...

My dear Katie,

I know those feelings oh so well. And it's good to be sad but know God's plan at the same time. Call if you need to!

Lemme said...

this breaks my heart and i'm sorry to know that you're going through this trial but i'm also so happy to see how much it has strengthened you and your family. love and prayers.

Madeline Jennnejohn said...

So glad I got to talk with you today. I love you and am so sorry to hear what happened. I wish I was there to give you a real hug, so for now, just have Marc give you and extra hug and that can be from me. I'll give you a call again soon. Love you!

Lundin Family said...

Oh Katie, I am so sorry to hear about your loss! My heart breaks for you!! What a bleesing it would be to have another baby, I hope you will be blessed with one soon. Your faith inspires me and makes me want to be better. Thanks for sharing. I needed to hear that today!

The Wilsons said...

Katie,
I'm so sorry. You have always been an inspiration to me, I'm sure your relationship with the Lord is helping you thru this time. Our thoughts and prayers are with you.
Love,
Adele

benandkiki said...

I'm so sorry! I hope you are doing better. You're in my thoughts and prayers.

ls said...

oh katie, i am so sorry. i am a few days late in reading this news, and i pray that each day passed has eased your ache a little, but i can still imagine the lingering sadness and wondering. thank you for sharing your testimony and confidence that all will be well. i know that, too, and though my situation is different than yours, i needed that reminder today. you are such a great example to me. this part: "i was reminded that i was a woman who had made covenants to sacrifice. and i recommitted to the Lord that i would go through all that was asked of me." tears. i needed to read that. thank you. sending you prayers.