Monday, June 28, 2010

What I wish someone had told me before I had a miscarriage . . .

My body and mind have gone through so much in the past short while that I am afraid this will be somewhat random, but I wanted to let you all know how we are doing and pass on these words of advice:

-We truly are at peace and the tears did not last much past a day. It was a very sad day of tears, but the days since have shown us MANY silver linings to our cloud of sadness.

-I did have a crazy bout with hormones/emotions for about a day, two weeks after the miscarriage. They were the crazy kind you get right after having a baby. It was rough. I think we've pulled through though.

-I thought I knew what it meant to have a broken heart or heartache. I had no idea just how deeply my heart could ache. I mean physically ache. I know this experience has empowered me to better "comfort those that stand in need of comfort" and I am truly grateful for the opportunity to become more like Heavenly Father and serve His children.

-Having a miscarriage is both emotionally and physically painful. I did not realize just how physically painful it would be (I have planned c-sections-I had never felt a contraction before-I have now!). My friend who has had 5 natural births and 2 miscarriages, assures me I have experienced labor. May I suggest that if any of you find yourself in this situation that you request pain medication to aid you through the process.

-I had no idea just how much tissue and how many clots I would pass. There is a lot of stuff that passes with a miscarriage. I would keep towels/cleaning supplies nearby.

-You and your husband will probably deal with the loss in different ways and neither way of dealing with it will be wrong.

-It really helped to have so many dear friends call, email, comment, text, come over, etc in our time of need. I was really in quite a fog with it all and did not return any calls, emails, etc. Please know, your compassion was deeply felt and greatly needed even if I did not personally respond to you.

-We can do hard things.


girlsmama said...

I'm so proud of you! It is a horrible and hard thing to go through both physically and emotionally. I think the reason no one talks about it is because we hope no one has to go through it. I do know that having friends that have gone through it is a great blessing to make sure everything your experiencing is "normal."

Julie Hall said...

We can do hard things. When I miscarried I kept telling myself that I was only a few weeks along and that it was for the best...probably not a healthy pregnancy, but I felt so sad. When I went to church on the following Sunday I was so amazed looking at all these women around me and knowing that as women we will all go through incredibly hard things. I feel like it taught me empathy on a whole new level.

JMadd said...

I think that the reason nobody talks about pregnancy loss is because there is some shame that surrounds it. Maybe not a real shame, but a perceived pain on the part of the mother. At first, I felt like a failure as a woman because I couldn't make the pregnancy happen the way it should. When I had to take methotrexate, I had someone ask me when I was going in for my "abortion." I think it's great that you can openly talk about your miscarriage because it opens the way up for other women who have or who will experience the same thing to be able to talk about it. There were a lot of things I wish people had told me.